Japanese Cafe Customer Vows To Not Return After Staff Says: “First Time? Come Again!”, Gets Empathy Online

It's a situation many of us can relate to. Going to a clothes store and feeling as if the sales clerk won't leave you alone. Or going to a restaurant where the waiter is too chatty for comfort. Sometimes, you just want to enjoy some privacy and be left alone. It can be a fine line to negotiate. Some customers love opportunities to chat and others want their interactions to be cut and dry.

Unwelcome communication?

This topic recently came up on Japanese social media after Vtuber and creator Machinery Tomoko (@barzam154) posted (and subsequently deleted) a Tweet relating her experience at a neighborhood coffee shop:

@barzam154__

"There's a nice privately-operated coffee shop just about 5 minutes from where I live. The prices aren't too expensive and I was thinking it looked good, but when it was time to ring up my bill, the owner said: 'This is your first time, right? I look forward to [serving you] again.' I thought to myself: 'I don't ever want to come back to this shop.' It's so regrettable... Such a pity..."

To clarify her position, she continued with the following two Tweets:

店、頼む。客とコミュニケーション取ろうとしないでくれ
— マシーナリーとも子 (@barzam154__) May 22, 2019

"Hey shops, please. Don't try to engage in communication with customers."

また別のパターンで行きにくくなった喫茶店があり、前に働いてた職場の近くに結構有名な老舗の喫茶店があったのだが、ある日時間がポコンと空いた時によっしゃ行ってみようと入り、楽しく過ごしたのだが会計の時になぜか「旅の方ですか？」と聞かれ、それから2度とその店には入っていない……
— マシーナリーとも子 (@barzam154__) May 22, 2019

"There's another pattern where it became difficult for me to go to a coffee shop. There's a relatively well-known long-established coffee shop near my previous workplace. One day, an opening suddenly popped up in my schedule, so I said to myself: 'Alright then,' and stopped by. I enjoyed myself but when it was time to ring up my bill, for some reason they asked me: 'Are you a traveler?' I haven't been back to that shop since..."

Reactions

The original tweet had garnered over 15,000 likes and over 9,200 retweets, inspiring an entry on the Twitter news aggregation site Togetter, which is currently ranked at the top of their trending entries list and already has 115,000 views at the time of writing.

Empathetic comments

Many of the initial commenters empathized with Tomoko Machinery, revealing that they had similar encounters and could relate to her sentiments:

わかる……
絶対二度と行かないな……

RT
— 雨天中止 (@Zaramu_matar) May 23, 2019

"I get this ... I'd definitely never go there again..."

わかります。
何度か通って「いつもご来店ありがとうございます」とかも言われると嫌ですね。
— まんぞく… (@muneyakecirno) May 22, 2019

"I understand. When you go to a shop a few times and they tell you: 'Thanks for always shopping with us.' I don't like that."

これ分かる、通おうと思って数回行ったドトールの店長に「（ポイントカードのセールスの途中で）…あっ、失礼いたしました。お客様には既にご説明致しましたね、よく来てくださいますよね（ﾆｯｺﾘ」って言われた時に（申し訳ないけど二度と来ねぇ…）って思った
— ３点パース (@threepointpers) May 23, 2019

"I understand this. I went to a Dotour {a large Japanese coffee shop chain} a few times and was thinking of becoming a regular customer. One day, the manager began trying to sell me their point card when he said: 'Oh... Sorry about that. I've already explained this to you before. You often come here, don't you?' He said with a smile, but then I thought to myself: 'Sorry, but I'm never coming back...'"

However, there's a difference between a waiter continually interrupting your meal or hovering nearby and the interactions described in these posts. So what was it that caused these posters such discomfort?

One commenter suggested that it was the realization that shop staff have become aware of them as private individuals.

ユニクロが、積極的声かけを嫌がる客がいるの分かっててそれをしないポリシーを掲げるように、話しかけられたの内容が、必要事項ではない時、嫌がる人もいます。洋服屋のこれ似合いますよとか。
個人認識してます的な内容だし「初対面なのに、いきなり距離感が近い/基本的にそっとしておいて」などです
— くわーてぃ('ω')o[2019最も運が良い4/1生まれ]o (@Qwerty401) May 22, 2019

(...) Some people don't like it when staff say things beyond what is necessary. For example, 'That suits you,' at a clothing store. It's the kind of communication that says: 'I am recognizing you as a private individual' They might think: 'I've only just met you, so this distance between us is suddenly too close,' 'Basically, just leave me alone,' or the like."

Although it isn't unique to Japan, many people are very sensitive about private information. This, combined with an aversion to staff members who "say things beyond what is necessary," can explain this sentiment.

Different folks, different strokes

Of course, not all those who commented valued their privacy to this extent.

喫茶店でそう言われると個人的にはリラックスできると思うので、皮肉抜きに何故言われると嫌なのだろうと思ってしまう
— ME「GAP」J (@MEGAPJ32) May 22, 2019

"Personally, when staff say things like that to me at a coffee shop, it makes me relaxed. So, no sarcasm intended, I wonder why you dislike having that said to you so much."

人によりけりなポイントですね。それを嬉しく思う方もいると思います。そのお店はそれで惜しいダメだ。と思うお客様より、それを喜んでまた来よう。と思うお客様を求めてるのかもしれません。
— 時乃ワタル (@Wtokino) May 22, 2019

"For this topic, I think it depends on the person. I think there are some people who enjoy it. From the shop's point of view, they probably appreciate customers who enjoy that over those who get a bad impression of them when that happens."