If you’re having life troubles, know that you can always count on Japanese baseball mascots to give you sage, no BS advice.

Japanese Twitter user @nantokaGM recently witnessed two mascots turn a league event into a corner where they listened to the woes of fans and gave them their two cents.

The two wise mascots were Tsubakuro the swallow of the Tokyo Yakult Swallows, and Doala the koala, the blue-eared mascot for the Chunichi Dragons. One woman asked them the question:

Most people would have responded with something along the lines of “Maybe you can find a way to appreciate both sports,” or “Why don’t you try bringing your fiancé along to a baseball game?”

But not Tsubakuro and Doala. They weren’t about to give their fan any sense of false hope.

With not even the inkling of faith for the soon-to-be-wed couple, Tsubakuro suggested that they give up and simply divorce (which would be hard to do, considering they haven’t even gotten married yet), while Doala tried to at least save the relationship by advising the woman to brainwash her husband.

DIVORCE.

BRAINWASH.

It’s true that Japanese baseball mascots are known for their quirky, often hilarious antics, but maybe they shouldn’t give out any more relationship advice in the future.